So enough of the open-ended and generalized “I’ll eat healthier”, “I’m going to quit smoking”, I’m going to be a better person”, “I’ll work harder”, “I’m going to learn something new”, “I’ll save more” or “I will exercise more/lose weight”...ideas might be coming to mind about what happens when these one-sentence proclaimations we are so familiar with aren’t addressing important factors that need to come into play.
The following will give us a better understanding about where we are erroring and and how we can turn those errors into beautiful, blooming manifestations of our desired goals.
1. It’s too vague. Take, for instance, wanting to be a better person (i.e. mother, father, husband, wife, friend…). What things can you do to make you a better ______? Also, if you desire to work harder, by what means? What is something new that you want to learn or try? Where do you want to travel? How much money do you want to save? What healthy foods will you eat? Do some research to see what others’ success stories and suggestions are and find something that fits you. Give your resolution a personalized definition.
2. There is no real desire or passion beyond the words. Such as, you want to eat healthier, and you should eat healthier, but a voice in your head is saying “That doesn’t sound so easy…or fun, for that matter.” Don’t just say things you know you should do, you’ve got to want it. Self-reflect…what drives you? What is burning deep in your gut? Go with that. No one’s forcing a gun to your head to change, except for you. And, in that case, it’s best not to pull the trigger if you’re not ready. If you’re not ready to quit smoking, you’ll have a harder time, because of the thoughts that persuade you that it’s going to be hard. But it all boils down to attitude. Change those negative thoughts that you have about an unhealthy habit or a new healthy habit you would like to pick up into positive ones…You will replace “eating healthy sounds unappealing and a lot of hard work” with “eating healthy will result in a stronger immune system, more energy, and preventing long-term illnesses and disease.” …or something to that effect. The more you train yourself to reverse your thinking, the more natural it will become, and you will have literally programmed yourself to change. Afterall, change begins with the thought. Don’t let yourself be the obstacle, because no one or nothing else is.
3. You don’t have an execution plan. So you’ve established that you want to cut back on drinking alcohol. Ok, that’s great! But….where to start? As long as you’re not an alcoholic, you can mindfully and tactfully come up with a plan to wean your drinking habits. Start thinking of ways you can cut back- only go out for drinks once a week….no drinking after a certain time…no drinking out at all….no drinking at home at all…stick to beer…put a limit on the amount of drinks you consume in one sitting….(If you are an alcoholic, you’d be reading this with much confusion, denying that you are one, and are probably drinking a beer right now…in which case, you should get help….but you’ll ignore that too :p ) Ok, so another instance- you want to go back to school. When will the best time be? When will you be ready? What will you take? Again, do your research, talk to the school advisor, and see what’s right for you. Construct a path and decide how many classes you should take, if it will be partially or all online (which is really hard, by the way), if you will still have to work, if you have kids or a significant other that you will need to allow time for, and again….numbers 1 & 2 above. To give a personal example, I had struggled for the longest time on quitting smoking. I didn’t smoke your normal cigarettes- in fact, I can’t stand those. But I was hooked on mild cloves. Made coffee or alcohol all the better. But it became too much of an addiction and I knew I had to stop…I tried Chantix (good idea at first, horrible side effects), I still didn’t want the nicotine through the patch or anything, and I had tried cold turkey a couple of times…but I finally decided that it’s rather unpleasant smoking in the bitter cold of the winter, so that would be the time I’d stop. I also figured out an appropriate day and time to quit. I finished my pack, all but one that I tore up and threw away as some sort of sanctimonious declaration at around 11pm on a Sunday night…so that I would start off the week with no cigarettes. I also had mutual support that helped. Surrounding myself with that made all the difference. So I didn’t just say I’d quit, but I determined how and when and made sure I had the support and encouragement neeeded. I also reminded myself of the inconveniences of smoking as well as the benefits of quitting. And then I did it. And I feel so much better, physically and mentally.
4. It’s unrealistic. Granted, most of us don’t make unrealistic resolutions, but sometimes they are desirable, like losing an extreme of weight in a short amount of time or making any drastic change. As with the tips above, you need to find conservative and modest ways of creating the change. If you know you can’t promise to bring world peace, become a champion boxer, or completely cut out meat from your diet, then take a couple steps back and evaluate what you *can* do. Such as volunteer more, do a random good deed every day, donate, go to the gym and get a personal trainer, cut out certain meats or the quantity to start out (as another example of #3). Anything is possible if you put your mind to it, but you won’t be doing flips in a jet tomorrow. Pace yourself and analyze what can be done in order to get closer to your ideal long-term goal.
5. The stars are not aligned. Ok, I am addressing a celestial and unearthly factor, here, but it does play a *major* role in change. Some change is good during the winter months, but this is a time to bring closure to things, to let go, to rest, and to reflect. Ancient traditions such as of Pagan, Mayan, Greek and Chinese cultures revolved around Astrology and Cosmology. Over the centuries, these practices have created a way to track time, from the day hours to the seasons and years. Scientists and philosophers alike have been able to prove a link between the celestical happenings and life here on earth. Our psyche is affected by planetary movement, placement of stars, and the cycles of the sun and moon. We’ve all heard that the weirdos come out of the woodworks on a Full Moon, or that people are more edgy during Mercury Retrograde. Well, these aren’t made up folklore. Just as we should know that the Pagan Soltices and Equinoxes are very important guides to how we live and how earth’s nature operates. The celestial patterns guide nature and, in turn, nature guides us. For instance, The Winter Solstice is the Season of Reflection- a time to resolve, relinquish, and reflect- to bring things to a close. The Fall Equinox is the Season of Harvest or Reaping, reaping what we have sown. Farmers use the ebbing daylight to harvest their fields, as we do with our gardens so that we can take in what we have created for ourselves, as we should do with anything going on in our lives at that time. Summer Solstice is the Season of Stillness. This is where the sun seems to stand still for us to enjoy the daylight in longer periods so that we may ‘stop to smell the roses’ and enjoy life and nature’s beauty. Spring Equinox is the Season to Sow- time to plant our gardens and crops, and it is also the time to start new projects, take on new ventures, etc. It’s the Season of Birth…familiar with Easter which is dubbed Christ’s resurrection? This is a representation of New Birth. The sun and moon let us know we have more daytime to cultivate new things. The earth is being replenished with rain and sunshine, the flowers are blooming, and the tides are in. So, in short, Late March is the best time to start anything new. However, if you are desiring to quit doing something, it is best to do it at the beginning of Fall Equinox, in September.
Well, you may now have a much more solid idea of how much it takes to put into a resolution. So, my suggestion is, don’t ex-nay your fresh annual ambitions, just give them some shape and substance so that they can withstand anything that comes your way. This is a great method to go by for any goals you wish to set out for yourself. Find this information valuable- as valuable as your Resolutions.
Namasté
transferred- original post date 12/28/2013
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